Ugly

I feel as though I've been sort of stagnant lately. You know, just going along, staying the same, hanging in there, yadda, yadda, yadda. I've not felt inspired in a while. I guess that sounds a bit like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love." It's not that I need inspiration, but it's nice to feel that way. It gives me motivation, puts me into action, gives me a purpose.

Over the course of the last week, I've come face to face with some really ugly things. I'm not talking about physically ugly. I'm talking about ugly situations that people that I am close to are in, and in fact, they are in many ways choosing to be smack dab in the middle of them, which makes it worse. These situations have the hand of the devil all over them, and that is no joke. One deals with addiction, the other, well, the other is just sickening, disgusting, heart-wrenching, and just plain evil. I'll just say that I recently found out that someone I know, and consider a friend, is thinking about working at a place where "eliminating pregnancies" are common practice. And this person would actually be helping with the actual "procedure". I'm using "eliminating pregnancy" here and "procedures" because I'm trying to put it delicately, so as not to offend anyone. Her reason for doing this: it's good money. (Of course it's good money because you're selling your soul to the devil!)

Here's the worst part- I didn't try to talk her out of it. My excuse is that I was completely taken aback, flustered, shocked, the whole bit. When she said she was struggling with the decision, all I said was, "well, my vote would be no." That's it. That's all I could manage to get out.

So that's it. The world is an ugly place. The addiction that someone I care about is struggling with is ugly. This "job opportunity" that the other person I know is considering is ugly. And my not speaking up is ugly.

The one positive: these situations have forced me to look deep inside of myself and struggle. Struggle with my words, my actions (or lack of), and my emotions. And somewhere, wrapped in all of that struggle, is grace.

A Bit Cheesy

I started another graduate class last week. It's my 3rd one, with only 4 left after this one before I get my reading license. My hope is to be a reading specialist when I go back to work. I'm in no rush to go back to work right now, and I am enjoying these classes. It keeps me up to date on what's going on in education, and I'm able to use the credits to keep my teaching license updated. There are graduate students and undergraduate students in my classes, which I sort of appreciate and sometimes enjoy, though at times, I have noticed a bit of immaturity by some of the undergrads. I'm sure that I was a bit immature when I was in my early 20's. Who isn't?

What I really appreciate about IUPUI is that they have no tolerance for absences or tardies. Granted, there are exceptions. Your grade is directly linked to participation, and you can't participate if you're not there. It was not that way at Grand Valley, and I definitely skipped classes, I'm ashamed to say, especially during my sophomore year. I'm finding that I am so much more focused this time around. Maybe it's because I know how much me going to school is costing my family, both monetarily and otherwise, as I have to be away from my family and Chad has to come home early from work on Thursday's so that I can give myself enough time to get to class.

As I spend an hour in traffic every week on my way to class, I have time to think about how blessed I am. I am blessed to have husband who is so supportive of my dreams, and supports the idea of me bettering myself. I am blessed to have the opportunity to further my education and to collaborate with fellow educators. And, I am blessed to live in a country that affords me this option. My hope is that others realize how blessed they are to live in such a great country, where opportunities are endless and obtaining one's dreams are within reach, with hard work. My hope is that people will stop complaining about this country and those who govern it. As President Obama stated, "It's time to turn the page."