Sweet Summertime Memories

Summertime makes me nostalgic for my childhood. I spent the early years of my childhood in Lansing, Michigan. I was 11 when we moved to Battle Creek, Michigan because of my Dad's job. It's those early years of my childhood that I remember most. This evening as I looked out our second-floor bedroom window, I saw a familiar sight- the American flag. It is everywhere in our neighborhood, waving high in the air at the top of flag poles, and the sight of it makes me feel comforted, like I'm in the presence of an old friend. The thought of the American Flag, coupled with old friends, made me reflect on summertime in Lansing circa 1984-1991 (I don't remember much before the age of 4). I made a short list of memories in my head. Here they are, in no particular order.
1.) Walking to 7-11 to get a Slurpee. The Coke flavor was my favorite.
2.) Playing 4-Square in Sarah Henderson's driveway.
3.) The slip-n-slide in the Riley's backyard- my butt hurts just thinking about it.
4.) Swimming in the Pedersen's pool.
5.) Playing basketball well after dark, again with the Riley's or Pedersen's.
6.) Baseball in the Riley's backyard, me always on Josh's team, which I loved, b/c I knew he would hit a home run and I would get to run the bases.
7.) Riding my bike up and down the street until my legs felt like they were going to fall off.
8.) Playing in the sandbox with Josh. We didn't have sand toys, just bugs.
9.) Lemonade stands
10.) Fishing in Fox Park
11.) Fireworks in the Riley's driveway.

The list goes on in my head. I'm so blessed to have these memories. I hold on to them. Now that I have my own family, I'm doing my best to give my children happy memories. I hope that their lists are endless.

Today is Where it's at

My children have taught me so much. It seems that I learn something new from them every day. I have learned things from Teddy that I haven't learned from Christian, and visa versa. That's because they're different kids, with different personalities. Christian has taught me patience, which, I have to admit, before I had him, I was really lacking in that area. Teddy has taught me to not be so controlling- again, something that was terribly difficult in the past. Both boys have taught me to smile and laugh at the silly things, and because of that, I'm not wound up so tightly. The major lesson that I have learned from these boys is to be present to them. I don't mean that I they need me to be physically present. Well, they do, but they also need me to be mentally present. I used to be such a "future thinker", thinking about all of the things I had to do tomorrow, next week, next month, even next year. I would run different scenarios in my head, (If this, then that). Not anymore. Today is where it's at. Right now. This instant. Because let's face it, with each tick of the clock, we're all getting older- me, Chad, the boys, and Murphy. When you live so much in the future, you're missing the present, which is a precious gift to lose. I look at my boys and wonder where the time has gone. If I had been living in the future, I would have missed out on so many memories that we have made. So, yeah, time flies. But instead of flying ahead of it, I'm flying with it, and making every second count.

They Know

I miss my friends. My closest friends all live over 2 hours away. My best friend from college lives in Michigan. My best friend from high school lives in North Carolina. My sister, also one of my best friends, lives in Chicago. I have 2 close girlfriends that live in Cincinnati. It's rough. I wish I could see them more. And when I do see them, our time together passes so quickly.

When Joseph passed away last year, I wanted nothing more than to talk to him. I wanted to say the things that I never said to him. I wanted to tell him how much his presence in my life had meant to me. How he taught me so many things. How much I appreciated his love and support, and how he always had my love and support in return. Essentially, he always had my back, and I had his. The fact that I would never see him again is what hurt the most. How did I let so much time pass without telling him these things? He was one of my closest friends, yet I hadn't talked to him in a few months. So, how did I let those opportunities pass, the ones where I could have told him these things, but never did?

I guess we all feel that way when someone we are close to dies. There are always those words that were never said. Those hugs that were never given.

When I look at my closest friendships, though, there is something that they all have in common. There is an underlying understanding of how much we mean to each other. It's not something that is ever talked about openly. Yet, it is there. It is there when, despite the distance between us, we clear away our schedules to spend time together. It is there when we make spending time with one another a priority. It is there when we send emails and text messages and exchange phone calls. We don't have to say it. We just know it.

And though I miss Joseph, everyday, and I miss my girlfriends, everyday, I find great comfort in knowing that I don't have to tell my friends how much they mean to me. They know, because I show it. In relationships, and in life, words don't mean much unless you have the actions to back it up. All of my girls have the actions. They all have my back, and I have theirs. They have shown me, time and time again, how much I mean to them. What my presence in their lives means to them. And I know I have shown them the same. I can go a few weeks or even a month without talking to them and then pick up the phone and it's as if not a day has passed. And as I type this, I see now that there is another thing that Joseph taught me: you don't have to tell someone how much they mean to you. You just have to show it. And, they just know.

Workin' It

I worked out today. 2 days in a row!!! Last week I did it 3 days in a row. My goal is to work out 5 days/week. I've tried to establish a work-out routine in the past, and have never seen it through. In the past, my one and only reason for working out was to loose weight. I've never been "thin". Having 2 babies in less than 2 years has left my body, well, sagging in many places. Something has finally come to fruition in my mind. I don't need to work out to loose weight. I need to work out to feel good. That's it.

I have tried waking up at 6:00am so that I can work out and shower before the kids get up. The older I get, the more sleep I need, and quite frankly, there's not much I can do in the morning before drinking a cup of coffee. (I sound like such a 30-year old!) So, I have found that on the days when both boys are napping at the same time, I can squeeze in a 30 minute work out. When the boys have fallen asleep, my thought process is this:

"I will sit down for 10 minutes then work out....wait, I have to throw in some laundry first....oh, and what about those bills I have to pay....and I have to call (insert friend/family member's name here who I need to call back)....man, I would love to take a nap......maybe I can just work out tomorrow?....No, go get your shoes on and do it now, or else you will have very little energy come 7:00pm and will become a complete grouch."

THAT is why I work out. Because come 2:00pm, I'm spent, and I have 6-7 hours to go before the boys are in bed and I can even think about having "leisure time".

The other thing is this: I am happy with my body. Sure, there are some areas that I wish were smaller. I don't like the way I look in a bathing suit and I wish I could wear a smaller jean size. However, being "thin" is not me. Even if I do loose weight, I will not be "thin". I have come to realize, throughout all of my training for the mini-marathon and within the past few weeks, I have major muscle tone. I'm not "buff" and not trying to be. But, I'm healthy and probably in the best shape of my life. I am strong. And, I can keep up with my 2 boys. And THAT is why I'm workin' it.

I Have a Blog

I've been a writer for a while now- in my own mind. I've always kept journals, which have been for my eyes only. Since becoming a mother, however, this part of my life has fallen away. I'm not upset that I don't have time to write down my thoughts and reflect on them later on. I've accepted it as part of where I'm at in my life. If I'm not too exhausted when I go to bed at night, I spend my time reading rather than writing. Reading takes me away to a different time and place, and puts me in a life that is not my own, where, for just a few short minutes (20 if' I'm lucky), I can live vicariously through a character in a book, which helps me unwind, and makes me sleepy.

I have a blog that I created which is all for the boys, the dog, and family events. With so many family members that live far away, it's a great way for them to keep up with us and see recent pictures of our family. I have a Facebook page, which is another tool that is great for keeping up with friends and family, and expressing one or two simple, random thoughts that pop in to my head. For me, my Facebook page was created for me to keep up with other people, and see what those that are close to me, (and many not at all close to me) are doing.

I have created this blog for me. This is where I will do my writing. This blog is for me to look at, and if anyone else is interested in reading what I'm thinking about, by all means, read on. I'm not a great writer, just a good writer. And that's okay. Because this one's for me.