They Know

I miss my friends. My closest friends all live over 2 hours away. My best friend from college lives in Michigan. My best friend from high school lives in North Carolina. My sister, also one of my best friends, lives in Chicago. I have 2 close girlfriends that live in Cincinnati. It's rough. I wish I could see them more. And when I do see them, our time together passes so quickly.

When Joseph passed away last year, I wanted nothing more than to talk to him. I wanted to say the things that I never said to him. I wanted to tell him how much his presence in my life had meant to me. How he taught me so many things. How much I appreciated his love and support, and how he always had my love and support in return. Essentially, he always had my back, and I had his. The fact that I would never see him again is what hurt the most. How did I let so much time pass without telling him these things? He was one of my closest friends, yet I hadn't talked to him in a few months. So, how did I let those opportunities pass, the ones where I could have told him these things, but never did?

I guess we all feel that way when someone we are close to dies. There are always those words that were never said. Those hugs that were never given.

When I look at my closest friendships, though, there is something that they all have in common. There is an underlying understanding of how much we mean to each other. It's not something that is ever talked about openly. Yet, it is there. It is there when, despite the distance between us, we clear away our schedules to spend time together. It is there when we make spending time with one another a priority. It is there when we send emails and text messages and exchange phone calls. We don't have to say it. We just know it.

And though I miss Joseph, everyday, and I miss my girlfriends, everyday, I find great comfort in knowing that I don't have to tell my friends how much they mean to me. They know, because I show it. In relationships, and in life, words don't mean much unless you have the actions to back it up. All of my girls have the actions. They all have my back, and I have theirs. They have shown me, time and time again, how much I mean to them. What my presence in their lives means to them. And I know I have shown them the same. I can go a few weeks or even a month without talking to them and then pick up the phone and it's as if not a day has passed. And as I type this, I see now that there is another thing that Joseph taught me: you don't have to tell someone how much they mean to you. You just have to show it. And, they just know.