Ugly

I feel as though I've been sort of stagnant lately. You know, just going along, staying the same, hanging in there, yadda, yadda, yadda. I've not felt inspired in a while. I guess that sounds a bit like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love." It's not that I need inspiration, but it's nice to feel that way. It gives me motivation, puts me into action, gives me a purpose.

Over the course of the last week, I've come face to face with some really ugly things. I'm not talking about physically ugly. I'm talking about ugly situations that people that I am close to are in, and in fact, they are in many ways choosing to be smack dab in the middle of them, which makes it worse. These situations have the hand of the devil all over them, and that is no joke. One deals with addiction, the other, well, the other is just sickening, disgusting, heart-wrenching, and just plain evil. I'll just say that I recently found out that someone I know, and consider a friend, is thinking about working at a place where "eliminating pregnancies" are common practice. And this person would actually be helping with the actual "procedure". I'm using "eliminating pregnancy" here and "procedures" because I'm trying to put it delicately, so as not to offend anyone. Her reason for doing this: it's good money. (Of course it's good money because you're selling your soul to the devil!)

Here's the worst part- I didn't try to talk her out of it. My excuse is that I was completely taken aback, flustered, shocked, the whole bit. When she said she was struggling with the decision, all I said was, "well, my vote would be no." That's it. That's all I could manage to get out.

So that's it. The world is an ugly place. The addiction that someone I care about is struggling with is ugly. This "job opportunity" that the other person I know is considering is ugly. And my not speaking up is ugly.

The one positive: these situations have forced me to look deep inside of myself and struggle. Struggle with my words, my actions (or lack of), and my emotions. And somewhere, wrapped in all of that struggle, is grace.