Blue Dress

I wore a dress to church today. Nothing fancy, just a simple blue dress that I got a Target a while back. It's hot, and I wanted to feel comfortable and look nice too. Right now, whether or not church is good depends on how well the kids behave. It's sad to say, but true. If they are not too antsy, then I can hear more of what the priest is saying and participate more. If they are noisy, well, you can imagine what that's like. But, we go together as a family because it's important to us, and even though some days we're not "getting a lot out of it", it's a good thing, because it helps them become familiar with going to church and how to behave in church.

Okay, back to my dress. I was feeling pretty good wearing it. I made sure that I sat correctly, and every time I stood up I made sure that the back of my dress went down (one of my worse fears is showing people my undergarments while wearing a dress because it gets tucked in somewhere!). So, it was all good. Then, we went to coffee and doughnuts afterward. Again, feeling good. Until, while walking over to grab a cup of coffee, I ran into one of my friends, who was chatting with a couple of other ladies. We have each other a half hug, said hello, and started small chit-chat. While this was going on, I noticed not one, but 2 of the women she was talking to had given me the "up and down" glance. You know how women do- they look at your face, scan your body down to your shoes, and look up again, hoping that the person they are looking at has not noticed and hoping to not make eye contact. I know this because I have done it myself, but not in a long time. I quit doing that after I graduated college.

My first thoughts were that maybe my dress was tucked in somewhere. Maybe they were looking at my chest because, yes, said blue dress is a summer dress and cuts down in a "v" though, I was wearing a white camisole underneath. Maybe they thought my dress required a slip (who wears those anymore???) The thing is that I grew very self conscious, and had to make up an excuse to stop talking to my friend. For some reason, though I was totally clothed, I felt completely exposed! What the heck is wrong with me? I mean, so what if those women were "checking me out"? What did I care?

The fact that I'm still bothered by this and writing about it means that I do care, no matter how much I tell myself I don't. So, 2 thoughts come to mind: 1.) I love our church, I love the people there, yet sometimes, I get that "you don't belong" feeling. That whole, "keep up with the Jones'" feeling. It's not words, just feelings and people's behavior that gets me going on that. 2.) This could have happened anywhere. 3.) (Okay, there are 3 thoughts) They could have been thinking something else. They could have been thinking how great I look in the blue dress. They could have been wondering where I got it so that they could go out and buy one just like it.

Yeah, for my sanity, I'm going with #3.