I did it

(Before reading, be aware that these are my inter most thoughts. My goal is not to offend anyone. This is just for me to reflect on where my life is right now.)


Last Saturday morning, I did it. I did something that I have been fearful of doing for a long time. I don't know where the fear came from, but it was there. I felt the fear in my mind, a brick wall that I would run in to every now and again. I would will it to go away by telling myself to get over it, let the fear leave me, and move on. I couldn't move on. So, last Saturday morning, I did it, and now the fear is gone, and is replaced with peace.

What did I do? Well, I prayed. Yes, I pray all of the time. This was different. I stood in a prayerful vigil outside of a Planned Parenthood in Indianapolis. Well, actually I knelt about half of the time, and stood the other half. For years, I never knew how I felt about abortion. I had so many mixed feelings about it, and so when I thought about it, I would go over it a bit in my mind, and then just push it aside. (Who wants to think about that anyway, right? And besides, there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make the laws. And, who am I to tell anyone what to do with their body, right?)

Over the course of the last 2 years, this issue has come up more in my life. Not because I myself or anyone I know has considered having an abortion, but because as I have grown in to my faith, I've had to take a hard look at where I stand on this. I know what the Catholic church teaches. Still, I just didn't know.

I've prayed about it over and over, and I felt nudged to go to Planned Parenthood and stand outside and pray. I ignored the nudge, for a long time, again, willing it to go away. But it didn't. Finally, after seeing the video of an abortion survivor speak on a youtube video, the nudge became a push that I could no longer ignore.

I knew this was the perfect time to go, because the 40 Days for Life Movement is taking place right now (http://www.40daysforlife.com/index.cfm)
I knew I wouldn't be out there alone. There would be others. And, my friend and sister in Christ, Tiffany, invited me to go along with her.

We started by saying a Rosary, facing the building. As I did so, tears began to well up in my eyes at the thought of what was going on inside. I finally got it. For so long, I didn't want to say that abortion was wrong because that is what my faith tells me to believe. I wanted to say that abortion is wrong because that REALLY is what I believe. I got it. I believe it. I KNOW it.

As we then stood next to the road we were able to see some young women pull in to the parking lot. They all zoomed past us, looking down, in shame, did not acknowledge us. I know that other services are provided at Planned Parenthood, so I can't say for sure what those women were doing there. Still- we prayed for them. We prayed for hope. We prayed for God's mercy. We prayed for life.