Corporal Punishment: To Spank or Not to Spank

Okay, I realize that I'm broaching a touchy subject here: spanking. But I just have to blog about this, and my intention is not to offend anyone. The purpose in me writing about it here is because I wish to share what I have learned, and to talk about my struggles with this type of punishment. I do not pass judgment on any parent who has or has not spanked, because, I do believe it is a personal choice. I can only discuss my choices, good, bad, or otherwise, and how I have learned from them, and what I hope to do differently.

I was spanked as a child, and I feel that I "turned out alright" as is the saying. I don't feel scarred by my experience and I don't judge my parents for their decision to spank. When I had my own children, however, I felt very differently about the matter. In my heart, I knew that this would not be right for our family, yet I could not put my finger on why.
I have spanked my oldest child, but only a handful of times. The first time I did it my heart broke, and I realized that it was more out of my anger than because of something he had done. So, I told myself never to spank out of anger, and I can honestly say that I have not since. In my child's case, every time I have spanked him, it has been counterproductive. More tears shed, more hard feelings on both sides were expressed, and again, I just knew this wasn't right for us.

I'm reading a book called "Parenting with Grace: Catholic Parents Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids". It's written by Gregory K. Popcak and Lisa Popcak, and has a preface in it by Father Val Peter, the founder of Boystown. I have to say that after reading it, I feel a bit guilty about some of the choices that I have made as a parent. For example, we have not done co-sleeping with our boys, which is something that the authors are highly in favor of. I have not practiced attachment parenting with my boys, and both are something that I still have mixed feelings about. Throughout the book, spanking is mentioned here and there, and is not looked highly upon, though I wasn't sure why. Today I searched through the book and found an interesting article in the appendix, which is titled, "Ten reasons I can't spank: A Catholic Counselor's Critical Examination of Corporal Punishment", by Greg Popcak, MSW, LCSW. This was an article he wrote for a journal and now appears in this book. Though I will not share with you the specifics of each item listed, because you can read the book, I will create the list of 10 here:
1.) Jesus' own example was discipline, NOT punishment
2.) Scripture does not support spanking
3.) The Universal Church does not model corporal punishment
4.) Spanking flies in the face of good science
5.) Spanking is violence
6.) Spanking as sin or occasion of sin
7.) God's justice is subject to His love
8.) Spanking does not respect the gift of will
9.) Spanking conflicts with the Church's teaching of the "age of reason"
10.) Catholic luminaries in child-rearing oppose spanking

Again, for a more in depth explanation of each, you will have to read the article. Some do require more explanation, while others sort of speak for themselves. What I found to be most interesting was number 9. I did not know that the "age of reason" as defined by the church is the age of 7, and most children who are spanked are under this age of reason. The book states, "A child cannot sin until he can fully grasp the meaning of his actions. In the wisdom of the Church, this requires "full knowledge of an participation in a sinful act.""In other words, why are we punishing our children through corporal punishment, when, in the eyes of the Church, they are not capable of sinning until after this age of reason?

I have had many conversations with parents about where they stand on this issue, and the truth is, I'm still conflicted. This book has many interesting facts about what the research says about spanking, as well as what Pope John Paul II has said about love and corporal punishment. I can honestly say that if my child ran into the street, I'm not sure if I would spank them or not, as this is such a serious matter and my child's safety has to be considered, and I think spanking may be the best way to allow them to realize that this is just something that they cannot do.

However, I will take all of this in and reflect on it, and even re-read it, as I know in my heart that spanking is not for us, and that I must search for more logical consequences. Again, I'm not judging anyone who has spanked or continues to spank, I'm just passing along some meaningful information that I have read and learned from, and will continue to pray about.