"Will you have more children?"

The last time I was pregnant during advent was when I was pregnant with Christian. At the time, which was 4 years ago, I didn't really practice Advent much. I participated in it at church, but we didn't do anything for it at home. This makes me sad because I really could have used that time to practice patience. After all, that is what Advent is about- patience and waiting for the coming of Jesus. At the time, I was out of patience, and did NOT want to wait on the baby any more. I was big, and uncomfortable, and just "wanted my body back" as I used to say.

I wonder what Mary felt when she was pregnant with Jesus? I wonder if she ever had those feelings of being uncomfortable and just wanting her body back? I'm pretty sure those thoughts never crossed her mind. But, I often wonder about Mary- what she felt as she was carrying Jesus. Was she emotional? Was she full of peace? Was she sad? How did she feel when she felt him kick for the first time? Was she ever impatient? Was it a struggle for her to wait for him? I would love to learn more about Mary.

This year, I've been struggling with patience in a different way. I'm feeling more at peace with it because I am taking the time out every day to celebrate advent. Before dinner, we light the advent candle, say a prayer, and keep the candle lit while eating dinner. There's something about that flickering flame that reminds me of Christ's light, and how it dwells within each of us, that gives me a sense of peace. Though I have more peace this time around, I struggle with having patience. Not with myself or with the little bean inside- but with other people. Here's why...

When people find out that we are having a 3rd child, somewhere in the conversation that follows, I am asked if this will be it. Will this be your last child? Are you going to try for more? Did you try for a girl? If you don't have a girl, will you try again? I have to be honest, I am guilty of asking people if they are going to have kids, or have more kids. Maybe I shouldn't do that...

The more that this has happened, the more I loose my patience. The answer I have is that I don't know. I don't know what God's plan is for us. I realize that people are just trying to make conversation, and I'm more than happy to answer their questions. After all, there are certain social "norms" that exist, and these days, having more than 2 children isn't all that "normal". And, if, as you read this, you realize that you asked me one of these questions- please don't feel bad. My lack of patience with this is MY struggle, and I need to figure out a way to let it go.

Yes, I realize that children cost money. I know that some people see children as a burden when they should be seen as a gift. But, my faith in God allows me to believe that He will provide. We are raising Christian children, as He has called us to do.
We have 2 beautiful boys, and yes, it would be nice to have a girl, but that may not be in God's plan. No, we were not "trying" for a girl. We were trying for a baby, and, to be honest, it took a while- testing my patience again. But again, it's all in God's plan...in God's timing.

So, as I reflect on this and read the words I have typed, I again think of Mary. I know that she faced scrutiny. I believe she probably felt some tension, perhaps felt nervous, or at times overwhelmed, which is what all mothers feel at one time or another. And I think of this...what if Jesus had been born at a different time? What if someone other than Mary had brought him in to this world? What if Joseph wasn't there to support Mary? God knew what He was doing. And God knows when to give us what we need- whether it's our first child, or our 5th child. Trust in that. I do.

"Trust-in His timing, rely-on His promises, wait-for His answers, believe-in His miracles, rejoice-in His goodness, relax-in His presence."

I Want

I want. I want. I want.

I've been hearing these two words come out of my mouth a lot lately. I want new kitchen cabinets. I want a new winter coat. I want new shoes. I want time to myself. I want a nap. I want a bigger kitchen. I want the walls painted a different color. I want politicians to stop fighting like little children.

I want. I want. I want.

Why do I do this? Why do these words come out of my mouth? Why do I even think them as often as I do? Is it because lately, family members have been asking me what I want for Christmas? Could be. Not that it's their fault that I am in this mindset- it's not. It's me.

I see the material things that other people have, and yes, sometimes, I wish I had them. Sometimes I think that if I had a bigger kitchen or new shoes, that life would be easier...better. Yet, I know that not to be true. I know that in my heart, yet sometimes, something creeps in to my mind and allows me to think otherwise. The devil? Perhaps.

With Thanksgiving approaching, though, this sounds cliche, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. My children are healthy. My husband is a wonderful husband and father. I have a nice home to live in. My parents are healthy. I have wonderful friends. I even have a cute little miniature schnauzer that I adore. I also have God in my life, which is such a blessing, and Jesus is someone that I can turn to as a friend.

So, knowing all of this, why do I struggle? How can I stop struggling with this "I want" mentality?

I'm going to use this Advent season as a time of reflection and prayer, in order to prepare for the birth of Jesus, and in order to grow closer to Him.

My boys are growing up. Teddy will be 2 years old on Sunday. Christian will be 4 on Christmas Day. How is that possible? I've been looking at pictures of the boys when they were babies, and it is just incredible how much we, as humans, learn and grow and change within the first few years of life. It's so dramatic to me. I feel the weight of the responsibility of being their mother. Sometimes it's scary, but more often than not, I feel that it is such an honor that the Lord has shared these beautiful gifts with Chad and I. I know that they are not mine. They are God's. And it is incredible to me that the has entrusted me, and Chad, with these two amazing people. They are people, unique individuals, who, God willing, will grow up and do amazing things. I know that this post seems to be a bit "gushy", but some days, it just blows my mind- this role that I have, as the mother of Christian and Teddy.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward."
Psalm 127:3

I did it

(Before reading, be aware that these are my inter most thoughts. My goal is not to offend anyone. This is just for me to reflect on where my life is right now.)


Last Saturday morning, I did it. I did something that I have been fearful of doing for a long time. I don't know where the fear came from, but it was there. I felt the fear in my mind, a brick wall that I would run in to every now and again. I would will it to go away by telling myself to get over it, let the fear leave me, and move on. I couldn't move on. So, last Saturday morning, I did it, and now the fear is gone, and is replaced with peace.

What did I do? Well, I prayed. Yes, I pray all of the time. This was different. I stood in a prayerful vigil outside of a Planned Parenthood in Indianapolis. Well, actually I knelt about half of the time, and stood the other half. For years, I never knew how I felt about abortion. I had so many mixed feelings about it, and so when I thought about it, I would go over it a bit in my mind, and then just push it aside. (Who wants to think about that anyway, right? And besides, there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make the laws. And, who am I to tell anyone what to do with their body, right?)

Over the course of the last 2 years, this issue has come up more in my life. Not because I myself or anyone I know has considered having an abortion, but because as I have grown in to my faith, I've had to take a hard look at where I stand on this. I know what the Catholic church teaches. Still, I just didn't know.

I've prayed about it over and over, and I felt nudged to go to Planned Parenthood and stand outside and pray. I ignored the nudge, for a long time, again, willing it to go away. But it didn't. Finally, after seeing the video of an abortion survivor speak on a youtube video, the nudge became a push that I could no longer ignore.

I knew this was the perfect time to go, because the 40 Days for Life Movement is taking place right now (http://www.40daysforlife.com/index.cfm)
I knew I wouldn't be out there alone. There would be others. And, my friend and sister in Christ, Tiffany, invited me to go along with her.

We started by saying a Rosary, facing the building. As I did so, tears began to well up in my eyes at the thought of what was going on inside. I finally got it. For so long, I didn't want to say that abortion was wrong because that is what my faith tells me to believe. I wanted to say that abortion is wrong because that REALLY is what I believe. I got it. I believe it. I KNOW it.

As we then stood next to the road we were able to see some young women pull in to the parking lot. They all zoomed past us, looking down, in shame, did not acknowledge us. I know that other services are provided at Planned Parenthood, so I can't say for sure what those women were doing there. Still- we prayed for them. We prayed for hope. We prayed for God's mercy. We prayed for life.

Change

I know that I want to write something today. Yet, I sit here, and stare at this computer and type these words, and not much is coming to mind. I hear the clock ticking on the wall. I hear Christian talking in his room. I hear the hum of the washing machine in the basement. Outside, I see the gray skies. The branches on our tree out front are waving at me, like a welcoming friend who you haven't seen in a while.

That's how I feel when I think of fall. I often think of fall as a friend, a warm blanket, something that is so familiar because I have never known a life without fall. Yet, sometimes it can feel unwelcoming. It's a sign of change, and change is can be tough. My life is changing. It's always changing. Sometimes the change is slow and gradual, other times it's immediate and hits me like a freight train. My boys are growing up so quickly. Everyone I know who has children who are older say to me, "enjoy this time, it goes so fast." They're right. It was 4 years ago that I was pregnant with Christian, scared out of my mind, yet excited beyond belief, not knowing that he would come in to this world on Christmas Day. 2 years ago, I was very pregnant with Teddy, scared again, and excited. I watch them and I am reminded of change.

Our dog Murphy is 7. He was just 7 weeks old when we got him. He would follow me around and was always under foot, thus resulting on me stepping on him. He would always nip at my socks, though never chewed on furniture. Now he sleeps most of the time, and has no interest in socks.

I like change, and I do try to embrace it because I have no control over it. Yet sometimes, I wish I could hit the pause button, and just stop and drink it all in. Maybe that's what I'm doing now? Maybe that's what we do when we look around, pay attention to our surroundings, listen to the quiet, and breathe? Maybe that's the pause button. I can't stop time. But maybe I can take the time more often to take a closer look at my life, and hold on to what's around me, if even for just a moment.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—

time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.

time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.

time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.

time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

WWJD

What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. As I've gotten older, and as I've grown in to my faith, this question immediately pops in to my head. It's at the point where I don't even think about it now. It's more of a subconscious thing. I'm so proud of myself for this. I don't mean that to be prideful. I guess I'm just finally getting to a place in my life where I really make an effort to be like Jesus. To be kind, to be humble, to be forgiving. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with all of these things. It's difficult to be kind all of the time. It's difficult to forgive and let go. It's difficult to be humble and let others help me and show me the way. That one is especially difficult for me (did someone say control freak?)

I have noticed something else: I'm seeing Jesus through other people a lot lately. This could be because I am looking for it. It could be because I am open to it. It could be because I allow others to be Jesus to me. I'm finding that these two things- asking myself what Jesus would do and recognizing Jesus in others, makes me full of joy and love and peace. Through these two actions, Jesus is teaching me. And I love to learn!

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" Matthew 6:33

Ugly

I feel as though I've been sort of stagnant lately. You know, just going along, staying the same, hanging in there, yadda, yadda, yadda. I've not felt inspired in a while. I guess that sounds a bit like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love." It's not that I need inspiration, but it's nice to feel that way. It gives me motivation, puts me into action, gives me a purpose.

Over the course of the last week, I've come face to face with some really ugly things. I'm not talking about physically ugly. I'm talking about ugly situations that people that I am close to are in, and in fact, they are in many ways choosing to be smack dab in the middle of them, which makes it worse. These situations have the hand of the devil all over them, and that is no joke. One deals with addiction, the other, well, the other is just sickening, disgusting, heart-wrenching, and just plain evil. I'll just say that I recently found out that someone I know, and consider a friend, is thinking about working at a place where "eliminating pregnancies" are common practice. And this person would actually be helping with the actual "procedure". I'm using "eliminating pregnancy" here and "procedures" because I'm trying to put it delicately, so as not to offend anyone. Her reason for doing this: it's good money. (Of course it's good money because you're selling your soul to the devil!)

Here's the worst part- I didn't try to talk her out of it. My excuse is that I was completely taken aback, flustered, shocked, the whole bit. When she said she was struggling with the decision, all I said was, "well, my vote would be no." That's it. That's all I could manage to get out.

So that's it. The world is an ugly place. The addiction that someone I care about is struggling with is ugly. This "job opportunity" that the other person I know is considering is ugly. And my not speaking up is ugly.

The one positive: these situations have forced me to look deep inside of myself and struggle. Struggle with my words, my actions (or lack of), and my emotions. And somewhere, wrapped in all of that struggle, is grace.

A Bit Cheesy

I started another graduate class last week. It's my 3rd one, with only 4 left after this one before I get my reading license. My hope is to be a reading specialist when I go back to work. I'm in no rush to go back to work right now, and I am enjoying these classes. It keeps me up to date on what's going on in education, and I'm able to use the credits to keep my teaching license updated. There are graduate students and undergraduate students in my classes, which I sort of appreciate and sometimes enjoy, though at times, I have noticed a bit of immaturity by some of the undergrads. I'm sure that I was a bit immature when I was in my early 20's. Who isn't?

What I really appreciate about IUPUI is that they have no tolerance for absences or tardies. Granted, there are exceptions. Your grade is directly linked to participation, and you can't participate if you're not there. It was not that way at Grand Valley, and I definitely skipped classes, I'm ashamed to say, especially during my sophomore year. I'm finding that I am so much more focused this time around. Maybe it's because I know how much me going to school is costing my family, both monetarily and otherwise, as I have to be away from my family and Chad has to come home early from work on Thursday's so that I can give myself enough time to get to class.

As I spend an hour in traffic every week on my way to class, I have time to think about how blessed I am. I am blessed to have husband who is so supportive of my dreams, and supports the idea of me bettering myself. I am blessed to have the opportunity to further my education and to collaborate with fellow educators. And, I am blessed to live in a country that affords me this option. My hope is that others realize how blessed they are to live in such a great country, where opportunities are endless and obtaining one's dreams are within reach, with hard work. My hope is that people will stop complaining about this country and those who govern it. As President Obama stated, "It's time to turn the page."

Anxiety

Certain things make me anxious. Certain people make me anxious. There is good anxiety and bad anxiety. There is also a mix of good and bad- for me anyway. Today I'm anxious. Both good and bad. So much so that I'm pretty much making myself sick over it. So, why do I do that? I do everything to calm myself down- I pray, I vent to someone, I sit quietly, I try to focus on my breathing, I exercise...you get the idea. I am sure that I get more anxious about things than others. I am CERTAIN that my body reacts to anxiety worse than most. At this rate, I am convinced that I will have a full head of gray hair by the time I'm 40. Maybe I need to see a doctor.

Waiting

So, it's been a couple of weeks since I have posted anything. I'm not sure where my mind has been- obviously not on this blog. These past 2 months, I've been wanting something that has not come in to my life yet. So, I'm waiting. I'm not going to mention what this "thing" is because that's not what this post is about. It's about waiting.

Chad and I have become a marriage sponsor couple through our church. What that means is that we meet with an engaged couple at least 5 times and work through a workbook with them, which covers everything from family traditions, to discussions on each others childhood, to finances. This has been a blessing for us because we have to complete the workbook as well, and discuss our answers. I love the couple that we are working with because the woman is much like me, and the man is much like Chad- only where we were about 6 years ago. It's amazing how far we've come.

As a part of this ministry, we also have a book to read, together as a couple, that discusses what marriage really is and what people often THINK it is. As I've been reading it, I find myself nodding my head in agreement with so much of it. Last night I read about waiting. I read about how in this day and age, people want instant gratification, mainly because there are so many technologies out there that allow for that. I want what I want when I want it. That's basically the mentality of so many of us today, and I'll be the first to admit that being patient is not my strong suit. I've gotten better at it, since we've had the boys. I find myself not being patient with adults, and not being patient with myself. I find myself not wanting to wait for God to act. I think to myself, "Okay God, I'm going to pray for this, and then you will give me what I want, got it?" Oh yeah, it doesn't work that way.

Waiting sucks. I struggle with it so much. I can wait in line at the bank, no problem. I can wait in traffic, and often let others go in front of me, no problem. I can wait in line at the grocery store, even with 2 screaming children, no problem. But when it comes to answers from God, I'm just not good at it. "Come on God, the clock is ticking!" Again, it doesn't work that way. God doesn't have a clock- just a plan. A plan for me- a plan for us all. And it's hard for me to wait and see what that plan is. I tell myself that in the mean time, I need to wait. I need to find His grace in this struggle of waiting. I know that. At times, I do see His grace. Other times, I want to scream at Him and say, "Alright already!!!"

So, that's where I'm at right now.

Blue Dress

I wore a dress to church today. Nothing fancy, just a simple blue dress that I got a Target a while back. It's hot, and I wanted to feel comfortable and look nice too. Right now, whether or not church is good depends on how well the kids behave. It's sad to say, but true. If they are not too antsy, then I can hear more of what the priest is saying and participate more. If they are noisy, well, you can imagine what that's like. But, we go together as a family because it's important to us, and even though some days we're not "getting a lot out of it", it's a good thing, because it helps them become familiar with going to church and how to behave in church.

Okay, back to my dress. I was feeling pretty good wearing it. I made sure that I sat correctly, and every time I stood up I made sure that the back of my dress went down (one of my worse fears is showing people my undergarments while wearing a dress because it gets tucked in somewhere!). So, it was all good. Then, we went to coffee and doughnuts afterward. Again, feeling good. Until, while walking over to grab a cup of coffee, I ran into one of my friends, who was chatting with a couple of other ladies. We have each other a half hug, said hello, and started small chit-chat. While this was going on, I noticed not one, but 2 of the women she was talking to had given me the "up and down" glance. You know how women do- they look at your face, scan your body down to your shoes, and look up again, hoping that the person they are looking at has not noticed and hoping to not make eye contact. I know this because I have done it myself, but not in a long time. I quit doing that after I graduated college.

My first thoughts were that maybe my dress was tucked in somewhere. Maybe they were looking at my chest because, yes, said blue dress is a summer dress and cuts down in a "v" though, I was wearing a white camisole underneath. Maybe they thought my dress required a slip (who wears those anymore???) The thing is that I grew very self conscious, and had to make up an excuse to stop talking to my friend. For some reason, though I was totally clothed, I felt completely exposed! What the heck is wrong with me? I mean, so what if those women were "checking me out"? What did I care?

The fact that I'm still bothered by this and writing about it means that I do care, no matter how much I tell myself I don't. So, 2 thoughts come to mind: 1.) I love our church, I love the people there, yet sometimes, I get that "you don't belong" feeling. That whole, "keep up with the Jones'" feeling. It's not words, just feelings and people's behavior that gets me going on that. 2.) This could have happened anywhere. 3.) (Okay, there are 3 thoughts) They could have been thinking something else. They could have been thinking how great I look in the blue dress. They could have been wondering where I got it so that they could go out and buy one just like it.

Yeah, for my sanity, I'm going with #3.

Sweet Summertime Memories

Summertime makes me nostalgic for my childhood. I spent the early years of my childhood in Lansing, Michigan. I was 11 when we moved to Battle Creek, Michigan because of my Dad's job. It's those early years of my childhood that I remember most. This evening as I looked out our second-floor bedroom window, I saw a familiar sight- the American flag. It is everywhere in our neighborhood, waving high in the air at the top of flag poles, and the sight of it makes me feel comforted, like I'm in the presence of an old friend. The thought of the American Flag, coupled with old friends, made me reflect on summertime in Lansing circa 1984-1991 (I don't remember much before the age of 4). I made a short list of memories in my head. Here they are, in no particular order.
1.) Walking to 7-11 to get a Slurpee. The Coke flavor was my favorite.
2.) Playing 4-Square in Sarah Henderson's driveway.
3.) The slip-n-slide in the Riley's backyard- my butt hurts just thinking about it.
4.) Swimming in the Pedersen's pool.
5.) Playing basketball well after dark, again with the Riley's or Pedersen's.
6.) Baseball in the Riley's backyard, me always on Josh's team, which I loved, b/c I knew he would hit a home run and I would get to run the bases.
7.) Riding my bike up and down the street until my legs felt like they were going to fall off.
8.) Playing in the sandbox with Josh. We didn't have sand toys, just bugs.
9.) Lemonade stands
10.) Fishing in Fox Park
11.) Fireworks in the Riley's driveway.

The list goes on in my head. I'm so blessed to have these memories. I hold on to them. Now that I have my own family, I'm doing my best to give my children happy memories. I hope that their lists are endless.

Today is Where it's at

My children have taught me so much. It seems that I learn something new from them every day. I have learned things from Teddy that I haven't learned from Christian, and visa versa. That's because they're different kids, with different personalities. Christian has taught me patience, which, I have to admit, before I had him, I was really lacking in that area. Teddy has taught me to not be so controlling- again, something that was terribly difficult in the past. Both boys have taught me to smile and laugh at the silly things, and because of that, I'm not wound up so tightly. The major lesson that I have learned from these boys is to be present to them. I don't mean that I they need me to be physically present. Well, they do, but they also need me to be mentally present. I used to be such a "future thinker", thinking about all of the things I had to do tomorrow, next week, next month, even next year. I would run different scenarios in my head, (If this, then that). Not anymore. Today is where it's at. Right now. This instant. Because let's face it, with each tick of the clock, we're all getting older- me, Chad, the boys, and Murphy. When you live so much in the future, you're missing the present, which is a precious gift to lose. I look at my boys and wonder where the time has gone. If I had been living in the future, I would have missed out on so many memories that we have made. So, yeah, time flies. But instead of flying ahead of it, I'm flying with it, and making every second count.

They Know

I miss my friends. My closest friends all live over 2 hours away. My best friend from college lives in Michigan. My best friend from high school lives in North Carolina. My sister, also one of my best friends, lives in Chicago. I have 2 close girlfriends that live in Cincinnati. It's rough. I wish I could see them more. And when I do see them, our time together passes so quickly.

When Joseph passed away last year, I wanted nothing more than to talk to him. I wanted to say the things that I never said to him. I wanted to tell him how much his presence in my life had meant to me. How he taught me so many things. How much I appreciated his love and support, and how he always had my love and support in return. Essentially, he always had my back, and I had his. The fact that I would never see him again is what hurt the most. How did I let so much time pass without telling him these things? He was one of my closest friends, yet I hadn't talked to him in a few months. So, how did I let those opportunities pass, the ones where I could have told him these things, but never did?

I guess we all feel that way when someone we are close to dies. There are always those words that were never said. Those hugs that were never given.

When I look at my closest friendships, though, there is something that they all have in common. There is an underlying understanding of how much we mean to each other. It's not something that is ever talked about openly. Yet, it is there. It is there when, despite the distance between us, we clear away our schedules to spend time together. It is there when we make spending time with one another a priority. It is there when we send emails and text messages and exchange phone calls. We don't have to say it. We just know it.

And though I miss Joseph, everyday, and I miss my girlfriends, everyday, I find great comfort in knowing that I don't have to tell my friends how much they mean to me. They know, because I show it. In relationships, and in life, words don't mean much unless you have the actions to back it up. All of my girls have the actions. They all have my back, and I have theirs. They have shown me, time and time again, how much I mean to them. What my presence in their lives means to them. And I know I have shown them the same. I can go a few weeks or even a month without talking to them and then pick up the phone and it's as if not a day has passed. And as I type this, I see now that there is another thing that Joseph taught me: you don't have to tell someone how much they mean to you. You just have to show it. And, they just know.

Workin' It

I worked out today. 2 days in a row!!! Last week I did it 3 days in a row. My goal is to work out 5 days/week. I've tried to establish a work-out routine in the past, and have never seen it through. In the past, my one and only reason for working out was to loose weight. I've never been "thin". Having 2 babies in less than 2 years has left my body, well, sagging in many places. Something has finally come to fruition in my mind. I don't need to work out to loose weight. I need to work out to feel good. That's it.

I have tried waking up at 6:00am so that I can work out and shower before the kids get up. The older I get, the more sleep I need, and quite frankly, there's not much I can do in the morning before drinking a cup of coffee. (I sound like such a 30-year old!) So, I have found that on the days when both boys are napping at the same time, I can squeeze in a 30 minute work out. When the boys have fallen asleep, my thought process is this:

"I will sit down for 10 minutes then work out....wait, I have to throw in some laundry first....oh, and what about those bills I have to pay....and I have to call (insert friend/family member's name here who I need to call back)....man, I would love to take a nap......maybe I can just work out tomorrow?....No, go get your shoes on and do it now, or else you will have very little energy come 7:00pm and will become a complete grouch."

THAT is why I work out. Because come 2:00pm, I'm spent, and I have 6-7 hours to go before the boys are in bed and I can even think about having "leisure time".

The other thing is this: I am happy with my body. Sure, there are some areas that I wish were smaller. I don't like the way I look in a bathing suit and I wish I could wear a smaller jean size. However, being "thin" is not me. Even if I do loose weight, I will not be "thin". I have come to realize, throughout all of my training for the mini-marathon and within the past few weeks, I have major muscle tone. I'm not "buff" and not trying to be. But, I'm healthy and probably in the best shape of my life. I am strong. And, I can keep up with my 2 boys. And THAT is why I'm workin' it.

I Have a Blog

I've been a writer for a while now- in my own mind. I've always kept journals, which have been for my eyes only. Since becoming a mother, however, this part of my life has fallen away. I'm not upset that I don't have time to write down my thoughts and reflect on them later on. I've accepted it as part of where I'm at in my life. If I'm not too exhausted when I go to bed at night, I spend my time reading rather than writing. Reading takes me away to a different time and place, and puts me in a life that is not my own, where, for just a few short minutes (20 if' I'm lucky), I can live vicariously through a character in a book, which helps me unwind, and makes me sleepy.

I have a blog that I created which is all for the boys, the dog, and family events. With so many family members that live far away, it's a great way for them to keep up with us and see recent pictures of our family. I have a Facebook page, which is another tool that is great for keeping up with friends and family, and expressing one or two simple, random thoughts that pop in to my head. For me, my Facebook page was created for me to keep up with other people, and see what those that are close to me, (and many not at all close to me) are doing.

I have created this blog for me. This is where I will do my writing. This blog is for me to look at, and if anyone else is interested in reading what I'm thinking about, by all means, read on. I'm not a great writer, just a good writer. And that's okay. Because this one's for me.